Go Ninja! Go Ninja! Go!

Ha! Of course I knew I was being set-up with Conan, and that my only conceivable response could be Red Sonja! That was all part of my master plan. I am so far ahead of you that you might as well start looking behind you, because watch out, I am circumnavigating the globe and coming up after you!

Did that metaphor even make sense? Who cares! I don’t need coherency when I have this up my sleeve. You see a normal man would have come back with Ernie Reyes as Keno, in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: the Secret of the Ooze. And then rocked a Vanilla Ice cheap shot. Sort of like this…


But no, instead I will come at you from an unexpected angle. In true ninja style.

And I will do it with class and poise. For you see, it is not Ernie Reyes in your poster that inspires me, but Rob Schneider. For you see, Rob was not the only Saturday Night Live alum to star “avec les Ninjas” as the French like to say.

How could you forget the cinematic tour de force that is and always will be




Admit it. That is the face you made when I hit you with this one-two ninja super punch. Now go cry in a corner for a while.