True Ninjas Fight to the Death

And into my trap you’ve fallen … so perfectly that I do weep, but with tears of happiness.

Did you honestly believe you could beat me?

Did you really think that I didn’t see your response coming from a mile away?

I saw your Secret of the Ooze/Beverly Hills Ninja combo coming before I ever even learned to tie my own shoes.

You say you’ve circumvented the globe and snuck up behind me – but in your travels I wonder – did you notice that the world was not only flat, but 2 Dimensional???

While you were off gallivanting I was exiting screen right and entering screen left with my left foot of justice extended in your direction – courtesy of one Mr. Johnny Cage, you’ve just been Shadow Kicked into oblivion!

That’s right – for unbeknownst to you, you’ve engaged me in

MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!

But how is this possible you ask?

How have you been beaten at your own game?

Well sir, your Beverly Hills Ninja retaliatory strike was ill chosen as it allowed me to slide seamlessly between the two films. For the character who plays Liu Kang in Mortal Kombat ALSO plays Chris Farley’s brother from another mother in Beverly Hills Ninja – I speak of course of Robin Shou!!!

 But that is not all!

For I also draw upon the power of another! One you never suspected…you see I too call upon fellow SNL cast members of the great 90’s using Adam Sandler’s cult classic Billy Madison. Do you recall his love interest? Ms. Veronica Vaughan? I’ll bet you do, however, I know her by a different name:

Man does that Bridgette Wilson know how to kick butt.





But why stop there? You say you have 4 Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Well I have 4-armed Demi-Gods!!!

That ain’t no oversized Chucky doll either!

What’s that? You beg for mercy?

I see you swaying in the middle of the arena – head lolling about – I would be inclined to give it you. But I cannot. For the tournament master Shang Tsung has unveiled his verdict and his thumb points not up … but DOWN.

This match must now end in

FATALITY!!

And just like Christopher Lambert (AKA Lord Rayden; AKA Connor Macleod) from the movie Highlander

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!

Theme song to the television series by QUEEN!!!!

Lord Rayden says:

FLAWLESS VICTORY!!!!